Lewis Capaldi‘s new Netfix documentary How I’m Feeling Now — streaming now on Netflix — takes an unvarnished look at his struggles with fame, anxiety and his mental health as he works on his second album, but he says it started out being a completely different, much more upbeat project.

When the idea of doing a documentary was first raised in late 2019 — in other words, prior to COVID — Lewis tells Billboard he thought, “This documentary is going to be fireworks! I’m going to be onstage in front of hundreds of thousands of people! I’ll be on tour! I’m going to be killing it! My life’s gonna look amazing!”

“And then obviously COVID happened, and all that went away,” he adds. “But we still had committed to make this documentary, and I was like, ‘Oh, God, this is going to be a really, really boring documentary!’”

Lewis reveals, “When I saw the first draft, it was so depressing. I was like, ‘Do I die at the end of this? Is that what happens here?’ It was that sad.” 

But ultimately, he says, “I am really proud of it and I’m really happy that it’s coming out and people are gonna see it.”

The documentary also touches on Lewis’ friendships with fellow pop stars Ed Sheeran and Niall Horan. Talking about Niall, Lewis tells Billboard, “I love him. He’s been amazing for, like, general day-to-day stuff. Niall’s great for if I’m wanting to buy a couch, do you know what I mean? He’s a very keen eye for interior design, does Niall.”

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