The first half of Jamie Lynn Spears‘ anticipated tell-all interview is out and she didn’t hold back about what it was like growing up under Britney Spears‘ shadow.

Speaking on the Call Her Daddy podcast, the 30-year-old actress tearfully said she learned at a young age to “stay out of the way” so she would “not mess anything up for anybody” or the family’s “brand.”

“I was never allowed to control my own narrative or have my own voice unless it was in line with everything,” she added. “My whole life I kind of felt like I didn’t matter… I always felt like an afterthought.”

Despite that, Jamie Lynn has nothing but love for Britney and is “so proud” of her.  “I got to experience watching a woman take over the f****** world. How can I be jealous of that?” she added, refuting rumors that she envies Britney, adding, “We never compared each other, the world did.”

Jamie Lynn also said her family failed Britney when she was experiencing a series of public emotional breakdowns.  “This was a brilliant young woman who was going through a hard time, and if she didn’t stand up for herself then somebody should have,” she said, adding she was unable to be the person her sister needed because she was still a kid, “Somebody should have said stop the f****** presses give this girl a f****** minute.”

“The problem was that I couldn’t be responsible for everything that happened around her and also be authentic to myself,” the Sweet Magnolias star said. “I guess I didn’t have the courage to do it.  I guess I was too scared.”

The second half of the interview comes out Wednesday, January 19.  Jamie Lynn’s memoir, Things I Should Have Said, is out now.

 

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